When there are no words.

And the ground shakes When you can't find space And your body breaks.

You have room for two?

Thats a shaker.

Nita Oh boy!

Oh boy!

I use music therapy to help people reach non-musical goals, from emotional to social to physical to cognitive.

I am a vocalist by training.

My life is really surrounded in music.

Therefore, my kids are really su in music.

And we see it as a way to be together.

There are two traditional paths for a musician: be a teacher or be a professional musician.

And I knew that there was something else ou Ready .

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play When the red robbin comes bob, bob, bobbin along along, Therell be no more sobbing When he starts throbbin his old sweet song, Wake up!

When I started working with LaRe I saw that she .

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she's pretty shy and withdrawn.

I kind of wanted to bring other aspects that I see in her out.

Should we try it in rhythm in ti Yeah.

Okay.

I'll try.

Just singing Just singing in the rain.

Very good!

I like that.

I do too.

She started grabbing new instrum and what I'm trying to do is build her confidence so that she can be confident in her daily life outside of music therapy session And slowly, she has really come into her own as a musician and really owned that part of herself.

She rips the chimes.

LaReta!

How about if I sing?

Oh, I love it.

When it's springtime in the Rockies.

I'll be coming back to you.

it was my job to assess LaReta, to move into our senior living community.

And she was in a really hard pla I was told that she was in a very terrible situation at hom so I was bracing for it.

She had bedsores over all of the bony points in her body.

She could not move.

She had to be turned every two h She was barely talking.

We did all the medical things that we possibly could.

And so we brought her home knowi that she needed a lot of a lot of work.

If we think back until now, how far you've come.

I've came quite a ways.

You have.

You really have.

Raindrops keep falling on my And just like the guy .

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And how do you feel about your playing in that time?

Do you feel .

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I feel good.

Yeah.

I'm happy.

We shared stories, meals and We sang , We laughed, We prayed for hours Although you're gone, Your memory lives on LaReta has grown so much.

To see where she started, and the fact that she was playin in front of 40 people at the celebration of life, and to feel confident in her ability to do that.

And then I checked in with her a to see how she was doing and her pride in what she had done You know it's so important to have those kind of meaningful experiences in our life to feel like we are growing, continuing to grow as individuals until the day we die.

You really have your all of your parts down.

Well, I try.

That must feel good, though.

So it's the connection that we form in music, and outside of it, but mostly in music that bridges this gap.

I think of music as this bridge to really get into whats happening with us interna I want to keep the feelings I have for you.

I'll keep them to myself, if that's all right with you So Danny is dealing with a loss of ability.

You know, with a progressive dis like Parkinson's, you lose your ability to do the things that bring you joy.

Since his diagnosis, Danny has had to process the loss of those abilities.

If you study long You might study wrong Make your choice Before your chance is gone Sometimes our expectations are set to high While we are deciding our chance goes by.

Its great.

Yeah, you like it?

I'm amazed how you do that.

Well, I'm amazed at you.

You wrote this in four hours.

Danny has said before, you know my next adventure is the end of this life.

And so he's really working throu what that means for him.

It's that acceptance of this phase of life.

It comes out of your mind, and you write it down, and then you figure out what it means.

Yeah.

I wonder what's made you stick with these characters so much.

This is about me.

I really wanted to work with Dan and help him through music, and we tried different intervent It was through a conversation that we were having that I realized that he's a writ The way that he speaks is in son So I proposed to him that we try out therapeutic song as a way to reach his emotional goals.

We sat down and right away .

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too many words.

So you really made it the perfect length.

I waited The seasons passed.

Still, no you.

In time I grew weary of having the blues.

Does that work?

Its great.

He's a contractor in his work, In his life, And once he started writing song he said I used to build houses and now I build songs.

And sometimes I just sit down and start writing.

and don't stop.

I cant hardly see.

I have to get over, you know, and focus my eyes.

So for Danny, I play the music for him and he puts himself into those songs.

I just think about what's next.

What's going to happen next?

I mean you wrote a song in the last two days.

You can see this progression for in his creative mind, how he uses art to heal.

I had that claustraphobia from when I was a getting stuck in that culvert (pipe).

That was an emotional experience in my life.

You see, you remember the panic.

And you say, I don't want to think about that My focus was on how I could succeed in getting out, instead of how I was trapped.

and it just lost all its power.

And that's what songwriting does It takes the power away from old memories.

He uses it in such a productive way that he really works through his challenges, through his writ He says, that once he writes a song about it, he feels like he can put it away He's so thoughtful, you know.

I had this experience with my grandmother as she was passing away.

I sang her favorite hymns to her at her bedside.

My whole family was there, and I had this experience and I had this experience where the whole room changed.

My grandmother's demeanor change Her breathing changed.

I saw movements that we didn't see before, and so I was able to connect wit on this really deep level, not using words.

And I knew that there was someth .

da da da da da da da da da da da da da da.

Yes, Nancy.

What is it?

Anyone else but me Thats right Anyone else but me , oh oh Don't sit under the apple tree.

There it is.

With anyone else but me Till I come marching home.

I'll kind of see her kind of inside of herself, kind of this insular experience.

And then when music is introduce she opens up.

Her eyes are wide and her expression changes.

The whole of her changes.

It's like she's awakened by music, because it's an old friend of hers.

You know?

She's like hey frien Go help her out.

Okay Now we're ready.

one hand one, two, ready, play!

Five foot two Eyes of blue Oh what those five foot could do Has anybody seen My gal ?

Now switch hands.

Because they're not able to communicate in the way that they once were, that's why music is so important.

it provides a way to connect.

It provides a way for us to be together and not have to talk.

You know?

For people who aren't able to speak, they can sing an entire song by memory.

You know?

And to do that with people, gives them that sense of connect and us.

You sure have started somethi Baby face I'm up in heaven.

If I'm playing the drum with som it looks like we're just having And it is.

It's a lot of fun, which is why it works, because it's distracting people from the work that they're doing What I'm really working on is maybe it's posture or core strength or motor skills.

You know, so that they can have those skills that they're learning on the dru transfer to their daily lives.

It's not necessarily what's happening in the session.

I want what's happening in the s to improve what's happening in their daily lives.

I'm so glad that I finally found you.

Yes.

and one in a million girl Sometimes with Parkinson's folks they'll get stuck.

But with music, it keeps them moving forward with that auditory cue.

Lets do “Shake, Rattle and Roll You were wearing those dresse Your hair done up so nice hurdy gurdy You were wearing those dresses Your hair done us so nice Switch hands!

Ah, look so warm But your heart is cold as ice Alright now, play them both!

Here we go I said shake, rattle and roll I said, shake, rattle and roll And to be a part of that, it's life changing.

I feel like I've grown as a huma I've grown in my character just by knowing them and having these experiences wit To be able to hear about their life stories and everything that they have experienced, everything that they have lived It gives me a wider perspective about the world, you know, and what it means to be a human and how life is so short.

It's a blink of an eye, really.

They show that to me.

They give that to me.

Hold on, Hold on, Hold on to a song.

Hold on.

(acoustic guitar outro) (voicemail on speakerphone) Hey girl I know you have, like, no time, um, but I hope you can find some just care for yourself, as you grieve the loss of Danny.

Hard to even believe.

Honestly, I have a hard time believing it because he was just so with us.

You provided him a life that was so meaningful.

Honestly, without you, I mean, I don't know.

Just thinking about all of you.

But you, specifically .

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My My heart will really think about you today.

Danny was such a delight.

I'm so grateful we have all his songs.

I hope that you inherit his song I don't want to forget him and his writing, just like, shows part of his ten He couldn't write after a while, so he just spent hours writing the same word over and over: try try try try.

Super artistic guy, but never got to express that, r until the end.

I'm just thankful that he's not suffering anymore, and that he's free and .

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peaceful.

wherever We talked about it, he was like, I think I go, you go to the stars when you die, like you're, you're out there as some energy .

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force for a long time just like resting before you become something else So I could just see him out ther Resting.

I hope.

Who knows though?

Just trying to show up for people still while I'm here, but also take breaks when I need it.

Even a few moments are enough And it doesnt have to be more than that.

Polly?

Polly?

Polly is the lead singer in our She's a leader in our choir.

Nothing's worrying me.

(funky instrumental) Its your thing Do what you want to do.

I cant tell ya Who to sock it to.

Because I used to love her But it's all over now She is a strong singer and that is part of her identity Yeah Polly.

All right.

Yeah, girl!

You've got that song down.

You know, I think we're wanting to see these huge, sweeping, successes.

that's not what they need necess What's up?

Well, I'm a little shaky.

Well shake away.

One, two, three, four Just give me one thing that I can hold on to.

To believe in this living is just a hard way to go.

Polly is really motivated by singing.

To believe in this living is just a hard way to go We want to nourish that.

Yes!

You made it through those full p without breathing in between.

Cool.

Way to go!

Very cool.

So cool.

Because I'm an angel from Montgo Do you relate to that at all?

I can definitely relate to it, but I wouldn't want to relate to for very long.

Its true You know?

Yeah It's kind of a lonely place to b I don't know if it's cultural or but we we feel like we constantly need to be going like this you know.

At some point, we're going to need to go like this like this you know.

That's a hard thing to grapple with.

It's difficult, because you're not seeing people improve, and she's only able to engage meaningfully, so much of her day.

It like mimics Parkinson's, but it's not full-on Parkinson's She had a fall, and then from there, there was just like a cascade of issues neurologically.

Yeah.

And, you know, sometimes it's not even affecting me.

Right.

But I just never know.

So, I've got to go with the flow.

I like that about you.

When I get depleted emotionally, it can often happen, because I've developed a really strong connection with one of the residents.

I then need to do my job and have an end of life session with them.

I can't necessarily grieve in that moment because it is for them and for their families.

I wouldn't be completely honest, if I said that I haven't grieved a bit, while Im in those sessions.

I let it in a bit for myself and for the honesty of that experience, But I can't be blubbering crying throughout the whole thing.

So I can only let it in so much.

But that's the only way I can truly show up for them.

It's like walking on the tightro Because you can easily slip off, just cracking the door open just enough.

You know?

I have this routine where I go in to their room.

after they've passed and try to just be in there.

If it's just two minutes, you know just to look around and, say goodbye.

It's really hard to just do that and pick up and go continue through my day and emotionally, be there for other people.

it is really about finding the time and place that makes sense for me.

And sometimes I don't.

And they compile and I'm kind of left with this overwhelming sense of grief.

sometimes that hits me.

I .

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don't tend to take it home with I try really hard to leave it he but that's hard.

How do you only grieve at work when you can't really grieve at Ill sometimes go home at night and can't necessarily tell my husband Marty how my day was.

I can allude to you know, it was tough, because I was with a family today who lost their mom.

and um You think of a well, you know, you only have so much like empathy in that well in a day.

And when it is drained at the end of your day, it's really hard to give that to your family.

I feel like it can be difficult to be there for them emotionally.

And so that's one of the things that I continually gauge.

You know, what's my capacity for all of th Because it is my job.

When I'm alone, which is seldom, and writing my own music, playing music for myself, that I'm able to sit with it.

The bite of the wind Sinks its teeth in And in your darkness I admit That I am warm blooded And I wasnt made for this.

I take my stuff and I put it into songs and that helps me make sense of it.

The seasons change.

Why can't we seem to do the same?

Im cold again Winter is setting in.

Below my bones another storm .

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When I'm feeling a little tender, I can turn around and be surprised by a session and be surprised by a session with someone where they say something, that blows my mind and changes my outlook.

Those moments where I don't have a lot left to give, I'm able to receive.

We have to receive to continue to give in the way that we do in this profession.

What is this?

That's for you to open up, and look at it, and read it.

Ok I hope you don't cry.

Dear Hilary, We all love you very much.

Love, LaReta Thank you.

Can I have a hug?

Yeah, I need a hug.

Yeah, me too.

Thank you so much.

You're welcome.

This is so sweet.

I love you.

I love you, too.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Chrismas to you too.

She gives space when we didn't know we needed it She like resets you almost in a way.

And as a caregiver, you need to be reset.

You need to be recentered.

Hilary does that for me.

She reminds me of why I'm doing and why I love this.

This song is older than you.

This song is older than me?

That sucks.

Have a .

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holly, jolly Christmas Its the best time of the year.

I don't know if there'll be snow, But have a cup of cheer.

Hear them ring Hear them ring Soon it will be Christmas Day.

Soon it will be Christmas Day.

Yeah I think of it like when you have a kid and then you get pregnant and you're going to have another and you're like, how am I going to have enough lo to give both of these kids?

And then you have it.

You have them and you realize, w there's so much love in there.

And I think of that with these residents too.

I have, I have so much, compassion and empathy and love to share and to give more than I thought was possible, more than I thought I was capabl I've looked at life From both sides now From win and lose And still somehow Its lifes illusions I recall I really dont know life at all.

one more time .

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