VOICEOVER (VO): Some of the nation's favorite celebrities... That's the pig for you?

This is the pig for me.

VO: ..one antiques expert each...

Celebrities.

Shake his hand, he's got the money!

VO: ..and one big challenge - who can seek out and buy the best antiques at the very best prices...

I love it, I would buy it myself.

VO: ..and auction for a big profit further down the road?

DAVID: Well done, well done!

VO: Who will spot the good investments?

Who will listen to advice?

Do you like that?

I tell you what, it goes with your eyes.

Does it, yeah?

VO: And who will be the first to say "Don't you know who I am?!"

Cuckoo!

VO: Time to put your pedal to the metal - this is Celebrity Antiques Road Trip!

Yeah!

VO: Welcome to the wonderful Isle of Wight, three miles south of mainland Britain, population 150,000 people, and now the arena for two celebrities with £400 each to speculate on the best available antiques.

VO: From stage and screen we have a pair of firm pals.

SHEILA: I am quietly confident that I am going to beat you.

SANDI: Well, do you know what?

I would prefer it if you won.

VO: Born right here on the Isle, she's graced our screens in comedies and tragedies for many, many years.

VO: She's the first lady of drama, she's Sheila Hancock.

Lady's prerogative!

VO: And she's brought her best friend along.

Hailing from the land of the Danes, before she Footlighted into the world of comedy, TV presenter, novelist, conversationalist and bon viveur, she's also found time for competitive shopping - she's Sandi Toksvig.

Why it's tantamount to cheating!

SANDI: Oh Vectis look there.

See how that coffee house is called Vectis, that's the original name of the Isle of Wight.

SHEILA: Is it?

SANDI: Yes.

SHEILA: How did it become Wight?

SANDI: Well it's one of those things that's very slightly lost in the mists of time and my fault entirely, but the Danes invaded many times.

SHEILA: That was quite a long way round from Denmark to come down here.

SANDI: I know, every time I come to the Isle of Wight I feel as if I ought to apologize in some way.

SHEILA: Well you can apologize to me because I was born here.

SANDI: Oh, right, well in that case I'm terribly sorry.

VO: Now, whilst our celebrities can enjoy their suave, 1972 Triumph TR6, they simply cannot go antiques shopping all by themselves.

SANDI: Now let's run through the qualities you're looking for in your antiques expert.

SHEILA: In my antiques expert?

SANDI: So, fantastically dashing.

SHEILA: Beautiful.

SANDI: Yeah, staggeringly good looking.

SHEILA: Very elegant.

SANDI: With a sense of style.

VO: Oh Dear!

VO: Sheila and Sandi really deserve the finest expertise in the land.

But it was rather short notice.

I'd said I never wanted to work with you ever again.

Why's that?

Because you're horrid to me all the time Philip I love you immensely, you know that.

That's beginning to worry me now.

SHEILA: I've seen them both on the telly but I can't remember which one is the best.

PHILIP: Take your foot off the break you silly old fool!

VO: Once one of the youngest qualified valuers in the land, he began his esteemed career back in 19... well, it was a long time ago.

VO: He's an antiques valuer.

He's a serious negotiator.

He's the man in the pink.

He's David Barby!

VO: And I know what you're thinking: 'Who's this dashing, stylish man about town?'

He's moved seamlessly from cattle trading to auctioneering.

He has a fine mind.

He has a keen eye.

He has very forgiving trousers.

He's Philip Serrell.

DAVID: What I find extraordinary that with somebody such is the status of Sheila Hancock who actually appeared with Bette Davis in a film called The Anniversary.

PHILIP: Really?

DAVID: Yeah, did you not know that?

PHILIP: No.

Well, it's more of your era isn't it?

DAVID: And I like Sandi because of her radio shows.

PHILIP: Do you not call it the wireless?

VO: David and Philip have brought along their cute, 1960 Morris Minor - to help impress a pair of pretty special ladies!

PHILIP: Sandi or Sheila?

I think Sheila likes fast sports cars and so do you.

I'm like a coiled spring at the minute.

I'm having a job just to pen myself in really.

SHEILA: Oh, here they are.

SANDI: Gentlemen!

How are you?

SHEILA: Alright.

SANDI: A little warm.

DAVID: What took you so long?

SANDI: Mostly first gear.

Sandi.

DAVID: Hello Sandi SANDI: Hello.

Hello Sheila.

SHEILA: Hello.

I recognize you from so many things.

SHEILA: Nice to meet you.

DAVID: Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

SANDI: So have you decided who you want to...?

No we were going to let you two decide.

SANDI: Sheila, please.

Well I can't.

I really can't.

Should we toss?

Ahh, do you know there are so many answers to that.

I tell you what, you shout, you get the choice.

OK let's do it like that.

Yes.

She doesn't want to....

Heads.

You've got the choice.

I will choose this gentlemen on my right.

Ohhhhh!

SANDI: Good luck!

SHEILA: Alright, see you there.

SANDI: May the best person win.

Is that the right thing to say?

I don't know.

Well, I just hope we do.

SHEILA: See you later.

VO: Our celebrities have £400 each and it's time to get rummaging.

VO: The Isle of Wight provides a fertile antiques hunting ground - hopefully before heading to auction in Tunbridge Wells.

VO: Today's frolics get going in sunny Newport.

DAVID: I want to really know what you're looking for.

SANDI: Honestly, I don't know.

DAVID: Where are your interests?

SANDI: Well I have very Scandinavian tastes I would say.

So I don't like anything that's too ornate.

DAVID: Too fussy.

So, we'll let them do all the running around PHILIP: and we'll just take this in a very chilled, quiet, sedate manner, shall we?

SHEILA: Yeah, but we've got to win.

PHILIP: OK let's get on with it.

SHEILA: I've got to beat Sandi.

DAVID: I don't like weapons.

SANDI: No I don't either, killing things.

DAVID: Killing things, yeah, I hate that sort of thing.

SANDI: Yeah, let's not have that.

SHEILA: She was doing all this thing about "I'm not competitive, "I don't like competition, I like everybody to be equal" and all that.

You wait, you wait.

VO: Well, competitive Sheila has found the first shop of the day.

Welcome to Newport's very own "Minstrels on the Hill", with charming proprietor Jo, in attendance.

VO: But will celebrity or expert be making the decisions here?

What about period clothes?

Oh, this is a Mary Quant hat.

That's cool isn't it?

Mary Quant.

60s, now that is interesting.

PHILIP: Yeah, it is isn't it?

How much is that?

That is really interesting.

That is.. How much is this?

SHEILA: Mary Quant £45 and the fact that it's got the Mary Quant label in it.... You haven't said how I look yet, Sheila.

VO: Arguably, one of the big three designers of the 1960s fashion alongside Christian Dior and Chanel, Mary Quant is pretty famous for giving us both mini-skirts and hot-pants.

VO: Thank you, Mary!

However, this slightly more innocent straw hat, dates from around the 1970s.

I love it.

I would buy it myself.

Right, well let's have a definite yes on that then.

But we'll think... let's go and have a look round and we'll think about whether we want to... You've got loads of clothes and things in here haven't you?

VO: And whilst Philip gets hot under the collar, David's gone a bit red in the face!

SANDI: Darling you do look a bit burnt.

I hope this isn't going to hurt.

Did I hurt you?

DAVID: Oh!

DAVID: It's better now thank you.

SANDI: Oh darling.

DAVID: Thank you.

Oh, that's lovely.

You've got such a gentle touch, actually.

SANDI: Well that's... VO: When Sandi's wiped David's head, she can drag him round the "Cowshed" - a vast antiques ranch on the edge of town.

DAVID: Right, oh, here's some odds and sods.

This is Cow Shed 1, you've still got Cow Shed 2 to go into yet and also there's another little shop next door to there, but I'll let you find that yourself.

SANDI: So see now, I like that, that toy crane.

DAVID: I do as well.

It's think it's rather beautiful.

DAVID: I think that's quite good.

It's, look, it's £85.

DAVID: A vintage crane.

I think that's quite nice.

DAVID: I'm not certain whether in fact it is a toy, toy.

Could I just remove my finger before we turn it.

Have you got it, are you alright there darling?

DAVID: Right.

Oh wait a minute there's a ratchet on it.

SANDI: Oh.

Oh it's splendid.

Right, I think this is a winner.

I think that that is the sort of thing someone would have as a talking point in their rather minimalist flat.

DAVID: That's quite good.

SANDI: Do you like that?

DAVID: I do.

SANDI: Yeah, I do too.

DAVID: Well we concur, I think that's quite good.

I like it.

SANDI: OK, that's excellent.

DAVID: Right.

VO: Time to bring Richard into this conversation.

What's the very best you can do on that?

RICHARD: Ah, what's it on?

It's on at 85.

Ah, the best on that one I think we're looking at about £60 on that.

DAVID: That much?

Oh yes.

Could you just sort of nudge it?

We'd like to pay around about 45 for it.

Well it's been here for a little while so yes, I think we could probably agree on that and do a deal for 45.

Brilliant.

DAVID: What do you think?

I say it's sold.

Richard, would you shake Sandi's hand?

RICHARD: Oh certainly, most certainly.

Shake his hand, he's got the money.

DAVID: Oh yes!

RICHARD: Lovely.

DAVID: Did we agree on 40?

It was, wasn't it?

Um, for you we'll do it for 40.

VO: Sorry Richard; David never knows when to stop.

Naughty Boy!

DAVID: Oh, that's lovely thank you.

SHEILA: Is this an antique or is this modern?

JO: It is modern, yes.

It is modern.

PHILIP: But, but, but, but, but why should it put us off?

I think we should buy this and the Mary Quant hat.

Is that all you're allowing me?

PHILIP: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SHEILA: What about this furry coat?

Oh no, people don't like those.

SHEILA: Do furry coats not go well?

PHILIP: No, no, no, no.

Not bad is it, if you wore it with black trousers?

PHILIP: OK, there's only one deal here, right?

PHILIP: I'm going to let you buy that, but you've got to model it at the auction.

Oh really?

VO: Might get a bit hot!

VO: Well, so far Sheila's led Philip to a 70s hat, a brand new bag and a "faux-fur" coat.

Great!

VO: For some genuine, antiques shopping; we need to stick with keen-eyed Sandi and tough-talkin' Barby.

BOTH: Oh!

(BANGING) SANDI: (LAUGHS) SANDI: It's just on the edge of irritating, just close to irritating.

SANDI: Oh, that's nice.

DAVID: Oh, I like that.

SANDI: Yeah, that is nice.

So that's the sort of... DAVID: I can see the crane on that.

..distressed look people long for, don't they?

DAVID: Go for, yeah.

DAVID: And the other thing I liked when I came through, I saw that rhubarb... oh!

(BANGING STARTS AGAIN) Don't move.

(BANGING STOPS) OK, don't move.

Talk, but don't move.

Right, I want to go and ask the price of the chest.

OK, you move first, but gently.

DAVID: Yes.

SANDI: (WHISPERS) OK, quietly.

(BANGING STARTS AGAIN) SANDI: Oh, for goodness' sake!

VO: Clearly this chap is some kind of hard-haggling early-warning system protecting a rather attractive, mid-19th century pine chest.

VO: Perhaps Richard can tell our suspicious shoppers where the bottom line is... where's the bottom line then?

RICHARD: What are we on?

215.

Hmmm.

Do you want the very best price or do you want to haggle with me for a while price?

SANDI: No, let's just cut to the chase.

DAVID: I'd rather you're quite honest.

A hundred and fifty... DAVID: £100, that sounds good.

SANDI: 100 sounds good.

DAVID: Yeah.

RICHARD: £150.

DAVID: £100 sounds good.

RICHARD: £100 and I won't eat tonight.

Accommodate us.

I think £150 is too much for an auction.

Um, I can't really do it.

140 would be, you know, and I'm losing money on that.

SANDI: Shall I just discuss it with my business partner?

I mean if I look at that, and it's the sort of thing I'd like to buy and probably at auction I wouldn't pay more than £200 for it so that's a £60 profit off which you've got to pay... DAVID: Of that you've got to pay... SANDI: 20% 40, 40, £40.

Right, so that leaves you... DAVID: £20 profit.

SANDI: No we're walking.

SANDI: Come, come with me David, come with me.

VO: Wow, never thought I'd see David walk away from a tricky negotiation.

Or is it all part of today's game plan?

Have you had it long?

JO: No we have, it's just a personal thing that we decided to sell.

PHILIP: Can we have a deal here, right?

SHEILA: Right.

You can buy three lots of clothing that are going to be one lot in the auction.

OK. And can I buy the chess set?

SHEILA: On my ticket?

PHILIP: Well, our ticket.

Well, yes, I'm relying on you.

Is all the bits there?

Well, I think there's some damage there.

VO: Damage?

Philip!

VO: Amazingly, Thomas Jacques began his games company swayback in 1795 and it's still run by the Jacques family today.

VO: These familiar shaped playing pieces, originate from the Staunton Set, first produced in 1849.

I always liked the knights, me.

Time for some strategic play, I feel.

SHEILA: Alright, you can have that then.

How much...What's the best you can do that for?

JO: Best on that is going to be... Um...38.

35?

JO: At an absolute push.

PHILIP: OK. SHEILA: But we're going to buy a few other things as well.

OK. Hat, bag and this.

PHILIP: Spot on.

JO: Right, that's on for 35.

SHEILA: Would you take that down to 30, because it's really bad repair?

JO: We can do that for 30 for you.

SHEILA: Alright then.

How much is this then?

JO: We've got 45 on the hat.

JO: The absolute total best I could do on that would be...34.

PHILIP: So that's 64 we've got to, is it?

JO: Yeah.

Can we get a free bag?

JO: You can have a free bag with pleasure.

So that's £64 and a free bag.

SHEILA: Yeah, lovely.

I think that's top dollar, shall I pay the lady?

SHEILA: Thank you.

Yes, please.

VO: Good work.

£35 for the chess set and £64 for the fashionable threesome.

Haven't Sheila and Philip done terribly well?!

PHILIP: Top job!

I'm delighted.

SHEILA: Well, I hope you're right about that chess set.

PHILIP: Oh yeah.

Yeah, well I'll either be right or be wrong, won't I?

VO: Sandi and David will now need to watch their ba... Oh, hang on a minute.

DAVID: One... two... three... four... DAVID: Five.

RICHARD: Wonderful.

VO: Looks like someone persevered to get that pine chest for just £100.

What a rogue!

RICHARD: Have a good day!

DAVID: Thank you very much.

RICHARD: And don't forget the suntan lotion.

SANDI: No.

VO: Now let's leave town, before there's any more ungentlemanly behavior!

SHEILA: Oh it is a ford!

We daren't go across there surely!

Right!

PHILIP: Are you going to have a paddle?

SHEILA: I read too many things... PHILIP: Is it cold?

SHEILA: ..about people following satnavs.

I hope there's no crocodiles.

VO: Don't be ridiculous, Sheila.

PHILIP: Are you alright?

VO: Although, perhaps you'd be less ridiculous if you get back in the car, love.

SHEILA: I'm going to have wet feet now on top of everything else.

You're going to have webbed feet.

VO: Whilst brave Philip recalculates the route, the Road Trip is already moving on.

DAVID: I thought it was right?

SANDI: No I said right, meaning "right, let's go".

DAVID: Oh.

VO: Slipping southwards a full nine miles - our celebrity teams bid Newport farewell, to find more treasure in the pretty village of Chale.

Oh, hello.

Are you friendly?

You look friendly.

Oh hello, yes.

VO: Aw, isn't Buckley cute?

DAVID: Um, we have got work to do.

SANDI: Oh sorry, sorry.

DAVID: So sorry.

It's alright.

Did you offer to kiss me like that?

No, just the dog.

DAVID: But you never patted me like that.

SANDI: No, that's true.

That's true.

VO: Really he wanted a lick.

Sandi and David have found another sprawling antiques ranch, with several sheds, two chickens, one dog, one horse and a man called Mike Oh, my goodness me!

SANDI: Wow!

It's almost bordering on conceptual art and I think it's you.

Thank you, darling.

It's in very good condition.

# Close in your arms # When they enfold me, sweet are the charms... # What's the mirror?

MIKE: Well spotted.

It's an original.

Yeah?

SANDI: Well, it is quite something.

Yes, it's too much at that price.

DAVID: What's the very best you can do on this, please?

At a squeeze, because it's obviously a good piece, 100.

MIKE: We've got to feed the horses.

Chickens, don't forget the chickens.

MIKE: And the chickens.

DAVID: And the dogs.

SANDI: The dogs.

You couldn't come less than 80, could you?

Are you making a firm offer?

DAVID: Yes.

MIKE: Of...?

DAVID: 80.

MIKE: Hm, I'm not going to argue.

VO: £80 ain't bad for a fine piece of repoussé arts and crafts copper - this is quite likely from the Newlyn School, emanating and dating from late-19th century Newlyn in Cornwall.

SANDI: I think that's very different from anything else we've got.

It's not my taste, but I think it'll do very well.

DAVID: Right.

Well, I concur with your taste, which I've always considered excellent.

Well, I chose you didn't I?

VO: Oh, good heavens!

Could someone please rescue us from this awful loveliness?

SHEILA: Hello, Mr dog.

PHILIP: Hello dog.

C'mon then, m'dear.

Right.

SHEILA: Hello.

SHEILA: Bloody hell.

Have you found anything?

SANDI: No.

Because I don't think there's anything for us.

Oh, you...you are such a bad actress, Sandi.

You have obviously bought something in here.

SANDI: (LAUGHS) SHEILA: Obviously!

Who knew?

SHEILA: Go and listen to what they're saying.

SHEILA: Back off, quick!

That man's following me, David.

Everywhere we go, they're there.

An old fat man?

No, "that man".

PHILIP: Oh, right!

Thank you, thank you.

I just wanted to clarify how personal it was getting, that was all.

No, don't be silly.

I wouldn't be so rude.

That fat man was following me!

SHEILA: They're definitely buying something in there.

I can't' believe...that they actually found something - do you think?

PHILIP: Pants.

Utter pants.

PHILIP: Bye Barbs!

VO: Unable to find their next investment, Philip has opted, instead, to give Sheila a little treat.

VO: So long Chale and hello the open road.

VO: This time, switching north by northeast, a full 16 miles up the road to Ryde.

Nice!

PHILIP: When you get a script come through, 100 pages or 500 pages, do you ever find it just daunting?

SHEILA: You have to sit down for hours and hours and hours and learn the lines.

SHEILA: I mean, the scary thing is that when you stand in the wings the only tool that you have are words and you go on that stage hoping to God they're going to come out of your head in the right order and often they don't, we make mistakes.

VO: In the 19th century, the villages of Upper and Lower Ryde were joined, to form this fabulous seaside town.

VO: Today, Sheila and Philip have a ticket to Ryde, via the rest of the world.

I used to teach geography, I have to tell you not very well.

In fact, I saved a whole generation of children by getting out.

But erm...

But... Is this it?

Yeah.

Maps and globes have always fascinated me.

VO: Relocated here in 1991, "Greaves and Thomas" have been reviving the art of globe-making - now the only company of its kind in Great Britain and the only one in the world to recreate historical globes.

VO: G&T sell their marvelous spheres all over the world, to hotels, museums and universities, even to the Library of Congress in Washington DC.

PHILIP: Hi.

VO: Hi.

VO: Owner James Bissell-Thomas has kindly offered to give Sheila and Philip the full tour, sort of global view.

When did they start making gl...

I mean, when was the earliest globe?

JAMES: Well, they say the Greeks were the first globe makers, but they would have been celestial and you've got... PHILIP: Celestial being?

Celestial - of the heavens.

And you've got the Farnese statue which was dug out of Pompeii, which means it was pre AD 79 and that shows Atlas holding a great celestial globe.

When was the earliest one made then, the terrestrial one?

The earliest surviving terrestrial globe was made by Martin Behaim in 1491/92 and we've made a copy of that which we have here.

Do come and have a look.

SHEILA: Right.

JAMES: This is a beautiful globe as you'll see.

JAMES: It's festooned in inscriptions.

SHEILA: What sort of things are the inscriptions saying?

JAMES: Well they're from other notable travelers like Marco Polo, John De Mandeville, Isidore de Séville.

They're all talking about the world and where you can find gold, spices and precious metals and it's all on this globe.

The only thing that's missing on this globe, of course, is America because it hadn't been discovered!

JAMES: So you're going straight from Europe, and you're going straight round to Japan, Saipanu.

VO: Already a renowned traveler and cartographer, Martin Behaim collaborated with painter Georg Albrecht Glockenthon from around 1491, to create what Martin called the "Erdapfel" or "Earth Apple" - possibly the earliest terrestrial globe.

I mean, this is staggering isn't it?

What a piece of work is man that we did this so early on.

JAMES: Yes, yes.

How much would the original be worth?

JAMES: Well it's the holy grail or the mother of all terrestrial globes and it's presently, it's in the rightful place which is the Germanic Museum in Germany.

JAMES: Despite the fact it was badly damaged by restorers in 1847, I'd say it's got to be worth - gosh - the record for a globe is a million pounds at the moment, and I'd say this one would be worth at least 10 that, so 10 million.

Priceless.

JAMES: But it's so important, it's such an historic item.

VO: Wow, so the original would really have cost the earth!

Greaves and Thomas, however, sold a pair of their facsimile globes at Christies - in 1999 - for a fairly impressive 28 grand!

SHEILA: So, how much did they know about the world?

Had America appeared yet?

Yep, yep.

We've got cannibals there as well.

Cannibals!

Oh dear, oh dear.

JAMES: If you look here, some poor soul is being beheaded and then they're chopping him up here and then they're being cooked.

VO: The 1492 discovery of America caused a revolution in globe-making, as well as filling a large cartographical hole between Europe and Japan.

VO: The original of this 1688 terrestrial globe was designed by Vincenzo Corinelli, a Venetian friar and doctor of theology, complete with all the fears and propaganda of European conquerors.

JAMES: So here's the cannibal zone.

SHEILA: And who put that cannibal in there?

JAMES: Well Corinelli was the globe maker and the engraver, so it would have been him and he would have put it there on authority of literature he would have read at the time.

SHEILA: Right.

Which had told him "Yeah, if you go here, you'll probably get eaten."

SHEILA: Just shows you how rumors start, doesn't it?

VO: James has created something truly amazing - not just a thriving business, but a celebration of both the earth and the heavens.

VO: Even the ceiling of his tea room is something to behold, as the galaxy turns above some very fortunate heads.

Oh, look at this.

JAMES: Yeah, while you're looking above, Sheila, the best view is through the table, the mirror top table because here the planets are defying gravity.

Did you come up with this idea?

Well, yes, I did, Sheila, I guess in a round about way.

SHEILA: You're very special aren't you?

Oh, he's a clever boy.

You just head-butted Saturn, Sheila.

Thank you so much, it's been an absolute delight.

You're so creative and clever to have done it.

It's wonderful.

I like these kind of slightly - dare I say it - eccentric visions.

VO: If only there were more time for star-gazing.

It's been an inspiring, terrestrial and celestial encounter.

But the business of the day is not yet done, so Sandi and David are boldly carrying the shopping torch.

DAVID: Imagine people moving down to Isle of Wight when Victoria took residence.

SANDI: Did she come every summer?

DAVID: Well, wasn't she incarcerated for most of her... SANDI: Oh, during her widowhood.

DAVID: Yeah.

Or was that in...em...?

SANDI: Going to Balmoral?

DAVID: Balmoral where she had John Brown as her lover.

SANDI: Well...friend, let's say friend.

DAVID: Lover!

SANDI: She was a goer.

VO: Oh, please!

VO: Eight miles south from Ryde's worlds of wonder, lies the pretty coastal village of Shanklin.

VO: Before the Victorian era, Shanklin was a small fishing village with occasional smugglers.

But the 19th century created a small town, popular with poets and honeymooners.

SANDI: So, what are you reading at the minute?

DAVID: Oh Lord!

Crimson Petal and the White.

SANDI: Is it good?

DAVID: Oh, it's bloody marvelous.

SANDI: Oh right.

DAVID: It's the best book about Victorian prostitution I've ever read.

DAVID: Oh, lots of little goodies.

Hiya, I'm Sandi.

Hello, nice to meet you.

I'm John.

Hello, John.

DAVID: Are people interested in pipes?

SANDI: That one's seen a bit of service.

I've never seen a set like this before.

VO: In fact the set is most likely bespoke, made in 1901 by Salmon and Gluckstein.

VO: It's part amber and part silver and, well, rather interesting perhaps.

You've got this for 125.

Uh-huh.

My reaction to it initially is I think it's immensely interesting, but smoking is not exactly de rigueur.

JOHN: No.

Very bottom, £70.

SANDI: That's his considering look, I've got used to it.

Mm, oh right, OK. SANDI: You can almost see the little cogs whirring.

Yes, yeah.

70.

Is that the very best price you can do on that?

JOHN: What would you like to pay for it?

SANDI: 50.

JOHN: 50?

Absolutely?

And a couple of photographs.

Ph... (LAUGHS) Deal?

Of what?!

VO: Well, probably not of David!

But as the Toksvig Team leaves triumphant - Team Hancock has the very same shop in their sights.

PHILIP: Now we're going to be really hard-nosed here Sheila.

SHEILA: Yeah, yeah, I know, I know.

PHILIP: Really, really hard-nosed.

SHEILA: Hello.

PHILIP: Hi there, how are you?

SHEILA: Now, I don't remember receiving one of these.

But this is for the children of the nation after the war and it's from George, the king.

"Today as we celebrate victory I send this personal message to you and all the other boys and girls at school.

For you have shared in the hardships and dangers of a total war and you have shared no less in the triumph of the Allied Nations."

But it's lovely.

PHILIP: What on earth is that?

JOHN: They're ink wells.

VO: It's a peculiar item, with blown glass and decorative accessories of, well, questionable function.

But what purpose it serves I've got no idea.

I like things that I ain't got the first idea what they are.

PHILIP: It's London, and it's William Halford of London.

Erm, and I think what we should try and do is put a bit of a parcel together here.

OK. And I think I'd like us to include that.

Really?!

PHILIP: Yeah, I do, yeah, I think... You're mad!

That's not going to get anything.

No, I've always been mad.

JOHN: Who knows.

SHEILA: No, but nobody will know what it is.

Yeah, but that's part of the fun innit?

JOHN: Absolutely.

SHEILA: Who is that lady?

That's Victoria.

VO: Oh her!

Like a flash, Sheila's amassed a commemorative bundle - to sell in 2012 - of all years!

VO: We have a Pavilion Hotel cigar case, an Edward VII ashtray, a George IV VE Day letter and an advertisement for Coronation champagne.

Enough to make patriotic hearts all a flutter!

What is the price on those?

JOHN: I've got 75 on the pair, but I'm sure we can negotiate.

You think I'm off on one here, don't you?

I do.

I seriously do.

Do you like those?

I like them, yes, I think they're pretty.

If we gave you 70 quid for those and those, how would that stack up?

JOHN: 70 quid, those and those... And he'll bung that in for a tenner.

But what is it?!

PHILIP: Oh, that's a detail, detail... JOHN: That's a minor detail.

I think we should take it just to see whether anybody...

So that's 80 quid the lot.

SHEILA: That should be sold separately as an enigma.

OK. As a mysterious thing that may be worth a great deal of money.

Right, so, so, what we've... VO: Looks like Sheila's getting a taste for antiques investment.

PHILIP: 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, 80.

SHEILA: These rings are lovely.

That's topaz, isn't it, yeah?

Throw us out, tell us we have got to leave now.

Time to go folks.

Come back on Monday, Sheila.

I will, I will.

No, no.

Bye bye.

No.

We are going back now.

PHILIP: No, no, no, no, no.

VO: What a mammoth shopping day it's been.

Time for our weary rummagers to rest their heads.

VO: The shops are shutting and a soft pillow is not far from everyone's mind.

Bon nuit mes amis.

VO: Up and - quite literally - at 'em.

The new day is here and there's work to be done.

SANDI: So come on now, you can tell me, I won't tell them that you said.

SHEILA: You're going to scoff, I know you're going to scoff.

SANDI: Scoffing is a fine thing to do.

SHEILA: They all seem like a good idea at the time.

PHILIP: Let's go and have a look in.

SHEILA: In there... VO: So far Sheila Hancock and her hard task master have spent £179 on five auction lots - the Jacques chess set, the Mary Quant hat, with the faux fur coat, the strange inkwell thing, the white metal goblets and the big commemorative bundle.

VO: Sheila and Phillip have a glorious 221 British pounds to throw at the day.

PHILIP: 60, 70, 80.

SHEILA: Look at this lovely thing.

I think if I ignore her, it'll work out that way.

DAVID: I love the cow.

VO: Meanwhile Sandi Toksvig and her glamorous assistant have spent a proud £270 on four auction lots - the 1940s model crane - I want one - the bargain 19th century pine chest - nice - the repoussé copper mirror - lovely - and the Boer War pipe set, mmm.

VO: Day two stripped Sandy and David's fighting fund to just £130.

SANDI: I'm very pleased.

DAVID: I'm very pleased.

I've got to go in now, take my clothes off and have my photograph taken now, which is upsetting.

Well, you've done it before.

Yeah, fair enough.

SHEILA: It is quite difficult, I mean, we couldn't have done it without the experts, be honest.

SANDI: No, we would have been rubbish just you and I.

Actually, it should have been you and me against the experts to see how much is luck.

DAVID: Sandi and I... PHILIP: "Sandi and I"... DAVID: We discussed our likes and dislikes.

PHILIP: "Sandi and I."

DAVID: I feel like as though Sandi and I are soul mates.

PHILIP: I tell you something, Sheila is a remarkable woman.

PHILIP: She's had a remarkable career.

VO: Gods of the Road Trip be praised; we are moving on at last.

VO: The town of Shanklin fades into distant memory as our celebrities and experts head east by a couple of miles, all the way to Sandown.

But who will be first to see the sea?

DAVID: Oh isn't that a wonderful scene with all the boats there.

DAVID: And the bay, oh that's lovely.

PHILIP: Do you think sometimes you could be accused of not showing quite enough enthusiasm?

PHILIP: You need to come out a bit more.

DAVID: Yeah I think so.

PHILIP: Be a bit more ebullient, you know?

DAVID: I love that word "ebullient".

PHILIP: Yeah.

VO: Another great word is "late!".

Don't keep those girls waiting!

SHEILA: See over there?

See that pier?

SANDI: Yeah.

SHEILA: I did a summer season there.

SANDI: Did you?

With Cyril Fletcher.

I was Soubrette.

Cyril Fletcher.

Soubrette, there is a job...

I did sketches... ..That you don't see in the job center anymore.

No.

Soubrette.

SHEILA: The opening number went, # Masquerade is here tonight and in the morning... # And I never knew what happened in the morning because I had so much to learn in the show I didn't learn the opening chorus because everybody sang it.

Oh right.

So I thought I could just... look glittery.

PHILIP: Sandown?

DAVID: Yes.

DAVID: Really an exciting place.

PHILIP: You are doing it now, aren't you?

DAVID: Yes.

PHILIP: Yeah.

OK.

But it must've been fun because you're by the sea... No it was lovely, I was very young, it was in the 50s.

Late 50s early 60s I think.

Just when I was born.

Yes, well we won't talk about that.

VO: You know Sandi; sometimes "words can hurt"... VO: Less chat, more shop please!

Hello girls.

BOTH: Hello.

I hope you're not colluding?

SHEILA: Well no.

DAVID: Oh!

Right, well what I was going to suggest actually Sandi is if we let Sheila and - it's Philip isn't it?

- go off and have a cup of coffee then we'll go inside.

We're going to go in and do light dusting and then you can come in, I'd hate it to be grubby for you.

Right, feel lucky, feel the vibe?

DAVID: Yes, I do.

Feel the vibe, feel the... VO: Actually I think - wossisname, Philip?

- has spotted an interesting item already.

What is the ticket price on that?

Well, I could do it 125.

That's the ticket price is it, yeah?

That's the ticket price.

It's only just come in.

PHILIP: OK lovely job, thank you.

We'll hang on to that.

Is it pastel?

It's watercolor.

It's a watercolor, yeah.

Who is the artist?

Robert Scott Temple.

VO: Robert Scott Temple is a lesser known landscape painter who exhibited at the Royal Academy in 1889 - a century before this scene would be made quite famous on British television.

DAVID: Sandi?

Yes, my darling boy?

Oh it's perfect for me.

Two children's chairs.

They're very sweet aren't they?

SANDI: That's the sort of thing a doting grandparent in Tunbridge Wells would think is required.

DAVID: Yes.

SANDI: They look rather sturdy actually.

They look very much like Ercol, don't they, as well?

VO: Ercol have been fine, modern, terribly British furniture-makers since the 1920s, but Sheila's still holding that painting.

Must've caught her eye.

DEALER: It's also interesting because the castle was on... Monarch of the Glen yeah.

DEALER: Yeah, Monarch of the Glen.

SHEILA: Less interested in that aspect of it unless we sold it to Richard Briers or someone.

See, it's awfully difficult because I like it and now we have to work out whether anybody else in the world would like it.

Especially the people who live in Tunbridge Wells.

Is it grumpy of Tunbridge Wells?

VO: I don't know, but you can cheer up!

PHILIP: And I would think this at auction is going to be 60-90 or something like that would be my shot for it.

Yeah, yeah.

I'd agree with that.

PHILIP: Which means we have got to try and buy it somewhere between the 40, 50 quid mark.

DEALER: Hmmm.

I'd prefer the upper of that.

We'll hang on to it a second, and I think we might just have it.

Yeah.

We'll keep it like this.

VO: Never a man to procrastinate, Philip Serrell is, well, mulling it over.

VO: Was Monarch of the Glen a big enough hit in Tunbridge Wells?

What I really like about this is that it's got a television connection.

SHEILA: And what's more Richard Briers is one of my best friends and lives in Hampshire, so I'll phone up and tell them to be at the auction.

VO: Oh darling, would you?

VO: It's just a shame Sandi and David don't know anyone working in children's furniture.

DAVID: Um, we did notice the little chairs down here.

SANDI: Yeah, which we liked.

DEALER: They are lovely, I'll do them for £70 for the pair.

DAVID: You're not going to get that at auction.

Right.

Not going to make our money back?

DAVID: Got to find someone that has twins.

SANDI: No, no, I mean, anybody with grandchildren or children who visit would think it is a lovely thing to have.

VO: Oh Sandi, this is all part of the David Barby Technique: accentuate the negatives and get the rock bottom price!

I tell you what, I'll do them at 30 quid the pair.

And you must be able to make a profit on that.

Surely we could make something.

They're lovely and well made.

I sit on the auction rostrum.

Right.

And furniture at the moment is absolutely zilch.

DAVID: Could you do them at £12 each, that is £24?

I'll do them at £25.

Well, this is your choice.

Oh, so blame me is that it?

Is that is what is happening?

Yes.

Please would you give the man some money?

Could you shake hands please?

SANDI: Yes.

DEALER: Cheers.

SANDI: Thank you very much.

DEALER: Thank you.

PHILIP: Can I just say there's the £30 for the painting and the £20 tip, you have been so generous, thank you.

Lovely, thank you.

Good luck.

VO: Well, looks like that's both teams paid up.

And another shop ravaged, I mean "visited".

SANDI: I never thought I would stay in the UK as long as I have.

I came to go to school when I was 14 and I'm still here.

DAVID: And what was the appeal?

Is it the British people?

SANDI: I love the fact that I don't really care where you live in the UK, you are a stone's throw away from something fascinating.

VO: Of course - it's the Great British Road Trip that keeps Sandi within our shores.

VO: And so David's taking her on a little historical journey.

All the way back to lovely Ryde.

SANDI: I like that, look.

Oh, isn't that fabulous?

Isn't that wonderful?

DAVID: Where am I?

SANDI: Well you're not, it's a painting.

VO: Sandi and David are about to enter the world of a true pioneer - a museum dedicated to the 20th century's most prolific cheeky postcard creator.

VO: But what kind of man would open such a saucy museum?

SANDI: Hello there, this is my friend David, we have come to have our fancy tickled.

Is this the place?

It is and James is waiting for you through there.

SANDI: Fantastic.

Thank you very much.

VO: James?

I think we've heard that name before, no?

SANDI: James.

Hi I'm Sandi.

JAMES: Nice to see you.

This is David.

Hello David, nice to see you.

Very please to meet you.

Welcome to the Don McGill Museum.

Wow!

Look at all those!

VO: Ah, so when he's not busy globe-making, James curates this fine collection from the life of artist Donald McGill.

VO: Donald began his career by accident - in 1904 - when a humorous cartoon sent to an injured relative was forwarded to a publishing house.

VO: Picture postcards rose in popularity after the Royal Mail granted their license in 1894.

VO: However, attractive seaside views were to become second place to Donald's great artistry and racy sense of humor.

DAVID: This brings back so many memories actually, of holidays at Blackpool with my parents.

We'd spend hours in front of these sort of revolving stands looking at the cards.

Were you old enough to understand them?

No.

But it seems to me James that the saucy postcard is uniquely British.

Yes.

Is it uniquely Donald McGill?

Who is the person that we all think of?

Well, people see Donald McGill as being the king of the saucy seaside postcard.

He was actually crowned that in his own lifetime.

There were obviously other comic cards, but nobody was in the same league as him.

JAMES: He was a proper artist, he went to art school.

He was also a draughtsman, he had perspective, he had engineering skills and for all of that reasons, he was particularly good at all of his cards.

VO: As a source of entertainment, Donald McGill's often highly sexy postcards were possibly a continuation of Victorian music hall sauciness and a definite forerunner to the world famous Carry On films.

VO: But being saucy was not without its risks.

SANDI: Did he come up with the jokes?

I think he does because when you see his trial in 1954 and his defense for that trial against the 21 cards, he is actually saying, "well I found this joke in Vanity Fair" or "this one was in picture books".

Well that's the extraordinary thing that he was taken to court at all is ridiculous.

Absolutely.

It was a witch hunt organized by a coven of vicars.

But there we go.

And they didn't win?

Well, Donald had a senior moment, he actually- they turned it around and they got him to say "Are you guilty?"

And he said "Yes".

VO: Poor Donald was worn down by a vitriolic moral crusade.

Having gained huge popularity in the 20s and 30s - Donald became almost part of the establishment.

VO: But his style fell out of favor with some authoritative figures, in the more conservative 1950s.

Postcard shops were raided - here on the Isle of Wight - Donald was prosecuted under the Obscene Publications Act, heavily fined and left with a beleaguered business and artistic reputation.

SANDI: Did he recover from it?

Did he carry on?

Because of the cards which were banned and the loss of production and cost of those, it has been suggested that today the equivalent was £100,000 worth of lost revenue.

Which is a lot of money for a small business.

SANDI: I feel a really strong link with it, because I work often on the radio and on the television and of course you can't say naughty things, but we do it all the time.

But we do it in hopefully a subtle way.

But innuendo is alive and kicking.

It's a great British tradition and long may it continue.

VO: Indeed!

And when James isn't juggling his large globes - no pun intended - he's put his other life's work into this fantastic museum; celebrating a great British man with a great British sense of humor.

So, do we look very saucy?

It's a postcard.

You pucker your lips very well David I can tell you that.

Yes, it is slightly worrying how good he is at that.

VO: And on that saucy finale, it's time for "You Show Me Yours and I'll Show You Mine!"

- Antiques, that is!

SANDI: So where are the rest of your things, then?

Small, as you will know is beautiful.

An awful lot of big things for such a tiny person.

PHILIP: Oh, I think the have done well.

SANDI: Absolutely love this.

What is it?

It's a toy crane.

SANDI: But we think it was probably made by a loving parent from scratch.

SHEILA: How do you know that?

It could've been done yesterday.

DAVID: It's called imagination and the feel.

It doesn't look to me that that's... SANDI: It's not a modern design.

DAVID: Not a modern design.

You're making out that it is some sad, war-torn child.

VO: OK, Sheila, we're all friends here!

It might have some age to it.

Now moving on.

SHEILA: This is an umbrella stand.

This is a very...

They repro those very well don't they?

SANDI: Beautiful Victorian, it has the marking on the back.

DAVID: It has the diamond registration mark and also a stamped number on the back.

VO: Yes, yes, yes, this is all very good.

But it appears Sandi, with her accomplice, has been shopping on the sly.

Fortunately they've done rather well with a delightful, late-19th century, iron stick stand for £90.

What's so interesting about the design it's Anglo- Japanese.

DAVID: So if you look carefully, there's a panel there which shows birds and it's very much in the naturalistic style.

So this is the aesthetic movement with the Japanese influence.

I feel like I'm at a Barby lecture here.

PHILIP: Oh, that is beautiful.

SANDI: Isn't that lovely?

PHILIP: That is beautiful.

SANDI: And it's November 1901, and it was made specially Salmon and Gluckstein.

SANDI: They were the largest tobacco retailers in the world in 1901.

And one of the members of the family, Montague Gluckstein, he thought it would be a good idea to go into catering and nobody in the family thought this was a good idea, could he please find somebody else's name to use, so he found a distant relative Joseph Lyons.

DAVID: And Lyon's corners... SANDI: And Lyons came from that.

VO: What a wonderful story and well researched.

Let's hope it can influence the auction!

What is - oh there's that thing, darling, that thing we didn't know what it was.

DAVID: Oh yes.

I have to say that I did oppose getting it, it was my partner who did it.

Yeah, I love it.

SHEILA: But having done that, I looked up on the internet and this is obviously a lovely ironmonger and I think he invented a way of using glass and making it heavy and like a weight and more interestingly he also found a way of putting bubbly bits in glass.

VO: Hmm... "bubbly bits in glass"?

I think Sandi's online fact-finding was a little more thorough frankly.

I like it too, can I say though that I am drawn inexorably to the fur coat and the funny hat.

SHEILA: This is a hat by Mary Quant.

Ah, very good.

Is that the biggest reveal that you've got for all that because I...sorry...

Yes.

This is the box and it was sent to a lady and it was an offer from Woman's Own which I think is rather touching and sweet.

SHEILA: This is a 60s faux fur coat.

SANDI: Right.

Which I think is quite good value, with the hat.

VO: So that's what they think... but what do they really think?

SHEILA: I think they're seriously good, aren't they?

They bought some good things, they bought some good things.

I think that, em...I love those pipes.

I didn't like the cast iron inkwell... No.

But I think that it probably might have an appeal to somebody that collects industrial items.

SANDI: It's quite niche isn't it?

Sandi loves the crane of course... Yeah, yeah.

But that won't do hugely well, will it?

No.

Well, on a bad day it could make 15 or £20 and on a good day it may make 40 or 50.

The thing we've got to do if we want to win is prevent Sheila from wearing that coat and parading up and down.

DAVID: The price will soar.

SANDI: Oh the price...

Absolutely.

There's no question about it.

VO: I'm not sure that modeling really fits with the Road Trip rule book but then who am I to have an opinion.

Let's go!

VO: The Sceptre'd Isle of Wight is sad departed, as we hover and motor to our final destination.

VO: Over on the mainland, a whopping 120 miles from the Isle of Wight, the Hancock and Toksvig teams are about to fetch up in dear old Tunbridge Wells.

PHILIP: I am just a touch nervous.

DAVID: A touch!

I think I'm extremely nervous.

DAVID: I won't convey that to the girls.

DAVID: This is my own personal feeling.

DAVID: You know I confess to you all things.

PHILIP: I think I should be worrying about that.

SANDI: May the best woman win.

SHEILA: Yes.

SANDI: Mind out boys.

DAVID: How are you both?

SANDI: Ooh, nice parking.

PHILIP: Sheila, how are you?

SANDI: We're here to triumph.

OK, we're here in a Triumph.

It looks awfully posh.

Come on in.

So do you look posh.

You look like you're going to a shooting luncheon my darling.

DAVID: My parents always told me to dress according to the people I was going to meet.

SANDI: Oh, suddenly I feel like a grouse.

Come on, let's go.

Let's go inside.

VO: So here we finally are: the Tunbridge Wells & Hastings auction halls, purveyors of fine arts, ceramics and furniture.

Though fortunately, today is the general sale.

MARCUS: Cheap as chips, £30.

VO: Auctioneer Marcus Rowell has his own thoughts on our celebrity offerings.

I do like the pine box, it's got its fitted interior which is, makes it actually quite rare.

Even though not hugely valuable it's a good thing.

It's got patina, the paint is nicely worn.

MARCUS: Less enthusiastic about the repoussé copper mirror, although I know Mr Barby rates it very highly.

I like it, but I don't like it enough, I think.

MARCUS: Chairs, they're quite interesting.

They're early Ercol, they're pretty.

They're not worth a lot but they're fun, we like those.

MARCUS: The chess set has damage, or losses I should say.

But the crane, I think is the one to go for.

MARCUS: It would fit well in a modern flat.

MARCUS: Pretty much everything else I'm afraid is trailing quite a long way behind, I think.

You know, I'll do my best from the rostrum as usual, but what more can I say?

VO: I think you've said enough... And so to the gallows...

I mean, auction!

VO: Both teams started with £400 each.

The chess set which is 35... VO: Both teams started with £400 each.

Sheila and Philip boldly spent £229 on six auction lots.

PHILIP: Do you want to make money?

SHEILA: Yeah.

VO: But Sandi and David threw caution to the wind, spending £385 - also on six auction lots.

Was it 40... VO: Stand by, the sale is about to begin.

I don't think we're going to do very well.

VO: First up, Sandi and David's iron stick stand.

MARCUS: 110 is bid, 120 anywhere?

Come on.

£110.

VO: Not a bad start, but don't crack open the bubbly just yet.

VO: Could Sheila and Philip's silver goblets be cause for celebration?

MARCUS: £15, 10 then, eight is bid, 10, 12, 15, 18, go on, 18, 20.

No?

£18.

18.

That's just cost us 15 quid.

VO: Could have been worse, I suppose.

Let's hope Sandi and David's crane can lift the bidding, here in Tunbridge Wells.

£80, 85 anywhere?

It's ridiculous, are you all mad?

Are you mad?

Yes.

Thank you.

85, 90, 100, 110?

No, £100.

110 anywhere?

All done?

100.

DAVID: Oh no!

Go on.

110.

SHEILA: How much did you pay for it?

DAVID: (WHISPERS) 40.

PHILIP: There's only you can look so broken hearted when you make 70 quid.

VO: Yes, cheer up David - grumpy, sumpy!

VO: Now, Sheila and Philip's unusual inkwell awaits the bidders.

£30.

VO: Everything alright, Sheila?

Keeping you up?

£60.

All done?

VO: An excellent result for Team Hancock.

Well done, well done, well done.

I can't believe it!

VO: So can the Toksvig party make their pine chest fly?

It has got genuine patina and is a jolly good thing.

I am £65 bid, 75 anywhere?

75.

VO: Looks like someone's not happy with Tunbridge Wells today!

MARCUS: £110.

It's worth more than that.

You'll never find another one.

You'll never find another one like that.

£120 at the back.

VO: A profit for sure, but do you think perhaps David wanted more?

DAVID: (SIGHS) VO: Now, get the bunting out!

It's Sheila and Philip's assortment of royal memorabilia - can they rule Britannia?

£50.

40.

Come on.

Bid for it.

30 then, come on.

Is bid.

£20 is bid.

22.

Thank you.

Go on.

Yes, go on.

28?

30?

Go on, it's fun.

MARCUS: 30, 32.

No.

MARCUS: £30 on my left.

Any more?

30 quid.

VO: Well, maybe everyone's had enough of flag waving for one year.

VO: Can Sandi and David sell the best of British craftsmanship here today?

MARCUS: 150 is bid, 160, come on.

I can't believe this.

VO: You've changed your tune, Barby!

Good taste here.

MARCUS: 150, 160, 170 with me.

175?

180 with me?

185?

No.

£180 with me.

All done?

VO: Well done and well deserved.

DAVID: £100 profit.

VO: And now... VO: Oh, do we have to?

60s, 60s, and the hat I won't wear because it's for a much younger person than me.

There's the... (LAUGHTER) Come on, £100.

Come on, you all come here to join in, no one gets involved.

It's pathetic.

£50?

20 is bid, 25, 30, go on, five.

40?

No.

£35.

Any more?

Come on.

That'll do.

£35.

I heard that will do.

VO: Will that do?

Must have seemed like a good idea at the time.

I wonder which one of you thought the hat and coat was a good idea?

We stand as a team, you won't drive a wedge through us.

We are in this together.

Sheila bought it.

VO: Miaow!

Time for the pipes of peace, I feel.

MARCUS: 80, come on.

80, 85 anywhere?

90?

Five.

100, 110?

120, 130?

No.

£120.

Cheap lot.

MARCUS: 130.

140.

150 no?

140.

VO: A great profit and Team Toksvig are looking tough to beat now.

VO: Perhaps the Hancock camp can employ some celebrity power with this scene from Monarch of the Glen.

Sheila's terribly good friends with Richard Briers, don't you know!

£50.

20.

Thank you sir, £20 is bid.

22 anywhere?

VO: Oh dear - shame it's not a portrait of Jerry from The Good Life!

No.

£32, on my left, £32.

Everyone happy?

VO: Tough crowd.

VO: Now Sandi and David seem unbeatable, as their classic 50s chairs await their fate.

Alright, I am £40 bid.

42 anywhere?

Come on.

Thank you, 42, 45, one more, 48.

No?

£45 with me.

Seems very cheap doesn't it?

Ridiculously cheap.

£45.

Doing my best.

Can't help.

VO: A small profit, but it still keeps Sandi and David quite far ahead.

Tense isn't it?

I think it's a very very good way to lose weight in here.

I don't know if you can get a sense of the heat and the tension, but anyway, so far I have lost a stone.

VO: Hancock and Serrell will need some smart play to catch up.

£10.

12 anywhere?

Thank you.

15.

18.

Sir, yes?

20.

VO: Oh dear, poor Philip.

MARCUS: Come on, 22, 25?

Ah, we have a slight problem on the Internet, we have £230 bid.

Would anyone like to improve on that.

No one?

You astound me.

VO: Jolly well done Philip and Sheila.

You know, you just can't beat these live bidders.

DAVID: That is brilliant.

That is wonderful.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

Superb.

Philip, well done!

VO: Our celebrities began with £400 each.

VO: Team Hancock conjured up a decent profit, after paying auction costs, of £103.10.

Sheila and Philip end their Road Trip with £503.10.

VO: But Team Toksvig did just a little bit better, with a proud profit of £193.10.

Sandi and David end their Road Trip with £593.10.

DAVID: (WHISPERS) Thank you, bye bye.

Thank you.

PHILIP: Well done, you.

Well done, well done, well done.

DAVID: At least you won a profit.

SANDI: Can I just say...my darling, you did brilliantly.

SHEILA: Yes, you did.

SANDI: It was a pleasure.

DAVID: You too.

Hope to see you both soon.

SHEILA: Indeed.

VO: Liar.

Oh darlings!

Let's just wave and say goodbye shall we?

DAVID: The language is brilliant.

The sexual acts are all in graphic detail.

SHEILA: It doesn't have any safety belts, darling.

SANDI: I wouldn't worry too much about that, at the minute I can't reach the pedals.

SHEILA: What is this thing here?

SANDI: That is the ejector seat.

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